What can i do
Where can i hide?
From all these feelings i keep inside
As dark as can be
You will never see
2/03/2007
8:43 PM
Let's see. Todays's topic is abt frens.
Yes and we will be talkin about ma frens.
Fren A:
She said that my guy trusts her more than me. Maybe she noes him longer than she noes me. that gives her the credit of whom my bf is turnin to fer problems. But the thing is.. U dun noe me yet. To be frank. u dun noe me at all. i may spend time with you. bt not all the tme in the world. n we r never alone. bt with others arnd. how else would u noe me when our bfs r around. i only knoe u as my bf fren. bt its ok since i areadi treated u like my fren n i can tok to u about anything bt that doesn mean i would show u who i reallie am at the end of the day. i m who i am. i dunno how to portray how i feel or who i reallie am. i feel close to u. not becoz u say our relationship is alike. but becoz of whu u r. or maybe.. i dun even noe the real u... u contradict me so much that i'm afraid to show u whu i reallie am. tat i only show u.. flashes of what i am. i wouldn't say thats the real me. neither would i say that isnt me at all.. bt all this bits n pieces that i portray r jus part of me. jus not fully me yet.
Fren B:
This one. Claims i m her best fren however doesn reallie treats me as one. its ok n i understand when u wanna meet ur guy without me arnd. bt hell i wanna spend time with u too. can't we jus go out together. why mus u leave me out in the cold? jus becoz he doesn wanna spend time with ur frens? den what kinda bf is that? and if i was reallie as important as u said that i am. den why is it so when i asked u some questions u prefer to beat arnd the bush n hide things from me? or instead rather nt sms me n pretend to ignore the msg i jus sent? Why is it when ur guy messages me n i told u abt it. n we planned something bt our plan backfires n u tell me that u pretend to get all angry bt actuallie u r reallie pissed abt it. don't i noe u well? u wun believe things that people tell u becoz u dun wanna believe them n u prefer to run away from it. u rather be angry with him. than to reallie think that he is cheatin on u.so u wun find out the truth. u refuse to admit tat he is reallie cheatin on u. so u rather the plan backfires n let it go ur way. so u wun ever find out tat he is like ur ex bf. u rather delude urself from the truth. if u dun wanna tok abt it. jus tell me n i will stop. if it makes u feel better.
Fren C:
This girl is someone whom i noe as strong n ever so almightly. who is alwis there fer me. bt alas fell to the hands of love n got herself all so muddled up till she can't even see herself n rather coop up at home n die. she wans help. bt yet.. hides herself away from it. n here i am tryin to bring her out of her hole bt she refuses to bulge n only wans to bulge fer a lil while. makin herself sick. when she is nt n is only sick in her head. u gotta stop bring ur love everywhere you go. i wanna spend time with you sometimes alone. not times when i go out with u fer a short while n then ur love comes along. n hangs around with us. nt that i mind. bt not all the time. get ur life back. go out with us like u use to without bringin ur love along. how den would u get ur life back when ur love comes taggin along? so girl move on will ya? i m tryin to help u here. like u alwis done for me.. dun walk the same way i did. without violence of coz.
Fren D:
Saving the best for the last. i areadi told u how much i miss u. i areadi made clear that u r my only bestie that i could ever have. tat onlie u noe me tat well. yet we dun see each other anymore. i m busy. i m workin. bt when i m free, u r nt. n when we made a date, it got cancelled at the very last moment. i areadi told ya when i m free. make the date. i miss u badly. n i nid to bitch.
Now frens. U hear my call. how i wish to say i wash my hands of all of u. bt i noe i can't. n in my own lil way how much i love all of u. I am still me. n i still nid all of u. i'll be waitin for ur calls...
Thought of you at-`
1/22/2007
10:39 PM
there comes a time when the honeymoon period is over like dead over n the girls will start complaining abt their guy.. coz their guy doesn seem to treat them the same. well.. unfortunately mine's nt like tat..
There wasn't any honeymoon period to begin with. i remember someone said to me. "well jus skip the fallin in love part. jus skip the part where the sparks fly n u feel this unique chemistry between u n him n jus go straight to the "i've fallen in love" part." i did. done tat. n yes fallen i suppose. since there weren't any honeymoon period i've been complainin since the start of the relationship. n ma guy on the other hand jus keeps being patient.which is a good thing as he's reallie patient. bt ya patience do run out. n yes it does hit the limit bt it doesn matter coz he is still patient. n what more can i ask fer rite?
i do ask fer more ya noe. i'm still me. being shereenly "me" i ask fer more. n more n more. n kang yin keeps givin me more n more n more. bt its not enuff. doesn tat sound so cliche. bt yah. not enuff.
so sweetie. more pls. thanks.
Thought of you at-`
1/21/2007
12:12 PM
everyone draws a perfect facade between me n him. If only we were living in their imaginations of how a perfect couple is to be. i couldn't ask for more. i alreadi got what i shud have maybe even more than what i m to deserve. however being a girl.. u'll never be satisfied. But at least i ain't living in a nitemare.. jus living in how reality is supposed to be like.. i stil nid to overcome ma fears to make the best out of this relationship.
Thought of you at-`
11/10/2006
11:32 AM
oh man. i'm here to complain bt i ain't exactly pissed jus wondering why. the thing is have u ever wondered how many times u ahve rejected me n how many times i have rejected you? have u even thot abt the reasons tat u given me is totallie invalid? miss. i din reject u last min b4 if u remember. each time when i rejected u was when u asked me out for maybe next week n i told ya i can't make it straightaway. so it ain't counted as rejecting. besides i din reject u i jus told u something cropped up at the last moment n i can't make it so stop tellin me its twice or once. when u did it countless of time of which most is all last min. n the reason was that u were tired even after havin slpet the whole day u r tired. which i reallie dun understand why. i ahven reallie said no to goin out becoz i am tired unless i have to take public transport to reach the place whatsoever. n dat i can undertsand bt fer ur case u dun ahve to do tat. n u rejected me countless times alreadi. so dun compare me with u. its makin me rather agitated. even when u put a lol behind or a wahaha or a haha. it stil agitates me. so stop it areadi.
frens what do we all noe abt frens? frens we confide with each other even if its minor matters even if ur fren disapprove of it. u'll stil confide to tat person. if nt do we stil call tat person a fren? what do u call a person when she or he doesn confide in u? doesn accept themselves? when everything tat person shows is dat he/she is attached bt when u ask they say no? n then u sit there thinkin.. does tat person actuallie think tat u r dumb or wat? its like so obvious! c'mon la. out with the truth areadi. do u wan me to tell u i saw u somewhere ith tat somebody den u'll admit? dun spoil it any further areadi. its gettin way overboard. oh yah bt den again u'll say u did nuthin so ther's nothin to admit. right i'll take tat load of bull.
My work sucks so does urs. everyone's work suck in their own way. so dun compare again. stop comparing areadi. i am ur fren nt becoz u can compare with me u noe. tokin abt frens makes me feel like a kid. damn. how obnoxious.
the onlie reason why i m still treatin u as a fren becoz of what we went thru. n no matter what u do. as long as u tell me. i wil stil be fine with it. coz u r my fren. even if u r wrong.
Thought of you at-`
10/04/2006
1:18 AM
joan's got her bike. after 9 mths like finally so she promised to be ma "chauffeur" n yah she is.. esp when kang's nt arnd. played mahjong fer the past week. i nid to brush ma skills. it suck. basically i dun have any skills la. n i told em nt to guard against me as i'm a newb u cant guard a newb. u gotta guard ur won tiles coz i m unpredictable i throw out any god damn tiles tat i dun wan. n yah becoz of the stupid guardin i won ten time in a row n we got stuck at " nan" fer like an hour becoz of tat. -.- well anywae i watched ma first 21 show n it was nt a bad experience tho i felt reallie young when i stepped into the cinema. n the adults were like so... noisy? gawd bt other than tat it wasn't too bad. there weren't any sexual content jus the.. lesbos kissin n hell la its common. shoudnt be rated 21.
aniwae.
i miss licia. i miss bibi too. i miss u both so much. pls msg me. pls do. so dat i wun feel like i'm missin u bt the other way round. lol. contradicts*
Thought of you at-`
9/17/2006
5:39 PM
the bez choc biscuits! Cowhead! it tastes super good la. the auntie i was working with brings them to work n i got addicted the choc literally oozes thru the biscuits! n it was then i knew i was hooked as in reallie hooked i went arnd the whole island lookin fer cowhead biscuits n when i found t i got 3 boxes! hooot!!
aniwae i jus realise kang's got a totallie boring blog. he's sucha bore at times bt oh well. he's borin also. tag him to let him noe he's borin ya?
next to next a reply to someone's blog. skali she's nt tokin abt me. bt someone else. bt then again. i m sure its me! who else can be so super duper nice bt me? time to get down to serious biz. i dun have to let u noe how much u mean to me. its obvious can't u see? i paid half fer ur fuckin bike lei. i dun mean to use monetary terms to measure the frenship we have bt come on who's gonna lend u such sum of money tat's half of the bike n i dun even own it lei dear girl. maybe ur bf bt other than that other ppl with brains n common sense would prob onlie lend u like a hundred or two besides i din even hesitate i simply said ok. u shud be touch yea u shud. so dun ask me how much u mean to me. it's shown. jus think back n u'll noe.
finally i wanna send ma love to:
Bibi tee i miss u so. u're ma honey baked ham n xmas is comin.
licia loh i love u. thnx fer acc me to the exams.
joan ng i meet u almost every other day so hell with it.
Mr wooden blog no wonder its called wooden blog.
-i hate endings-
Thought of you at-`
9/11/2006
7:52 PM
Don't promise me things u never seem to fulfil..
stop tellin me tat u would treat me the same
4 there ain't no 2 same things..
Stop askin me if i was disappointed.. coz even if i am..
u can't do anyting to change.
-aghasted-
Thought of you at-`