Perchers

The Friends

2007-02-03T20:43:00.000+08:00

Let's see. Todays's topic is abt frens.

Yes and we will be talkin about ma frens.

Fren A:

She said that my guy trusts her more than me. Maybe she noes him longer than she noes me. that gives her the credit of whom my bf is turnin to fer problems. But the thing is.. U dun noe me yet. To be frank. u dun noe me at all. i may spend time with you. bt not all the tme in the world. n we r never alone. bt with others arnd. how else would u noe me when our bfs r around. i only knoe u as my bf fren. bt its ok since i areadi treated u like my fren n i can tok to u about anything bt that doesn mean i would show u who i reallie am at the end of the day. i m who i am. i dunno how to portray how i feel or who i reallie am. i feel close to u. not becoz u say our relationship is alike. but becoz of whu u r. or maybe.. i dun even noe the real u... u contradict me so much that i'm afraid to show u whu i reallie am. tat i only show u.. flashes of what i am. i wouldn't say thats the real me. neither would i say that isnt me at all.. bt all this bits n pieces that i portray r jus part of me. jus not fully me yet.

Fren B:

This one. Claims i m her best fren however doesn reallie treats me as one. its ok n i understand when u wanna meet ur guy without me arnd. bt hell i wanna spend time with u too. can't we jus go out together. why mus u leave me out in the cold? jus becoz he doesn wanna spend time with ur frens? den what kinda bf is that? and if i was reallie as important as u said that i am. den why is it so when i asked u some questions u prefer to beat arnd the bush n hide things from me? or instead rather nt sms me n pretend to ignore the msg i jus sent? Why is it when ur guy messages me n i told u abt it. n we planned something bt our plan backfires n u tell me that u pretend to get all angry bt actuallie u r reallie pissed abt it. don't i noe u well? u wun believe things that people tell u becoz u dun wanna believe them n u prefer to run away from it. u rather be angry with him. than to reallie think that he is cheatin on u.so u wun find out the truth. u refuse to admit tat he is reallie cheatin on u. so u rather the plan backfires n let it go ur way. so u wun ever find out tat he is like ur ex bf. u rather delude urself from the truth. if u dun wanna tok abt it. jus tell me n i will stop. if it makes u feel better.

Fren C:

This girl is someone whom i noe as strong n ever so almightly. who is alwis there fer me. bt alas fell to the hands of love n got herself all so muddled up till she can't even see herself n rather coop up at home n die. she wans help. bt yet.. hides herself away from it. n here i am tryin to bring her out of her hole bt she refuses to bulge n only wans to bulge fer a lil while. makin herself sick. when she is nt n is only sick in her head. u gotta stop bring ur love everywhere you go. i wanna spend time with you sometimes alone. not times when i go out with u fer a short while n then ur love comes along. n hangs around with us. nt that i mind. bt not all the time. get ur life back. go out with us like u use to without bringin ur love along. how den would u get ur life back when ur love comes taggin along? so girl move on will ya? i m tryin to help u here. like u alwis done for me.. dun walk the same way i did. without violence of coz.

Fren D:

Saving the best for the last. i areadi told u how much i miss u. i areadi made clear that u r my only bestie that i could ever have. tat onlie u noe me tat well. yet we dun see each other anymore. i m busy. i m workin. bt when i m free, u r nt. n when we made a date, it got cancelled at the very last moment. i areadi told ya when i m free. make the date. i miss u badly. n i nid to bitch.

Now frens. U hear my call. how i wish to say i wash my hands of all of u. bt i noe i can't. n in my own lil way how much i love all of u. I am still me. n i still nid all of u. i'll be waitin for ur calls...

the portrayer

2007-01-22T22:39:00.000+08:00

there comes a time when the honeymoon period is over like dead over n the girls will start complaining abt their guy.. coz their guy doesn seem to treat them the same. well.. unfortunately mine's nt like tat..
There wasn't any honeymoon period to begin with. i remember someone said to me. "well jus skip the fallin in love part. jus skip the part where the sparks fly n u feel this unique chemistry between u n him n jus go straight to the "i've fallen in love" part." i did. done tat. n yes fallen i suppose. since there weren't any honeymoon period i've been complainin since the start of the relationship. n ma guy on the other hand jus keeps being patient.which is a good thing as he's reallie patient. bt ya patience do run out. n yes it does hit the limit bt it doesn matter coz he is still patient. n what more can i ask fer rite?
i do ask fer more ya noe. i'm still me. being shereenly "me" i ask fer more. n more n more. n kang yin keeps givin me more n more n more. bt its not enuff. doesn tat sound so cliche. bt yah. not enuff.
so sweetie. more pls. thanks.

the perfect one

2007-01-21T12:12:00.000+08:00

everyone draws a perfect facade between me n him. If only we were living in their imaginations of how a perfect couple is to be. i couldn't ask for more. i alreadi got what i shud have maybe even more than what i m to deserve. however being a girl.. u'll never be satisfied. But at least i ain't living in a nitemare.. jus living in how reality is supposed to be like.. i stil nid to overcome ma fears to make the best out of this relationship.

irritated

2006-11-10T11:32:00.000+08:00

oh man. i'm here to complain bt i ain't exactly pissed jus wondering why. the thing is have u ever wondered how many times u ahve rejected me n how many times i have rejected you? have u even thot abt the reasons tat u given me is totallie invalid? miss. i din reject u last min b4 if u remember. each time when i rejected u was when u asked me out for maybe next week n i told ya i can't make it straightaway. so it ain't counted as rejecting. besides i din reject u i jus told u something cropped up at the last moment n i can't make it so stop tellin me its twice or once. when u did it countless of time of which most is all last min. n the reason was that u were tired even after havin slpet the whole day u r tired. which i reallie dun understand why. i ahven reallie said no to goin out becoz i am tired unless i have to take public transport to reach the place whatsoever. n dat i can undertsand bt fer ur case u dun ahve to do tat. n u rejected me countless times alreadi. so dun compare me with u. its makin me rather agitated. even when u put a lol behind or a wahaha or a haha. it stil agitates me. so stop it areadi.

frens what do we all noe abt frens? frens we confide with each other even if its minor matters even if ur fren disapprove of it. u'll stil confide to tat person. if nt do we stil call tat person a fren? what do u call a person when she or he doesn confide in u? doesn accept themselves? when everything tat person shows is dat he/she is attached bt when u ask they say no? n then u sit there thinkin.. does tat person actuallie think tat u r dumb or wat? its like so obvious! c'mon la. out with the truth areadi. do u wan me to tell u i saw u somewhere ith tat somebody den u'll admit? dun spoil it any further areadi. its gettin way overboard. oh yah bt den again u'll say u did nuthin so ther's nothin to admit. right i'll take tat load of bull.

My work sucks so does urs. everyone's work suck in their own way. so dun compare again. stop comparing areadi. i am ur fren nt becoz u can compare with me u noe. tokin abt frens makes me feel like a kid. damn. how obnoxious.

the onlie reason why i m still treatin u as a fren becoz of what we went thru. n no matter what u do. as long as u tell me. i wil stil be fine with it. coz u r my fren. even if u r wrong.

boredom

2006-10-04T01:18:00.000+08:00

joan's got her bike. after 9 mths like finally so she promised to be ma "chauffeur" n yah she is.. esp when kang's nt arnd. played mahjong fer the past week. i nid to brush ma skills. it suck. basically i dun have any skills la. n i told em nt to guard against me as i'm a newb u cant guard a newb. u gotta guard ur won tiles coz i m unpredictable i throw out any god damn tiles tat i dun wan. n yah becoz of the stupid guardin i won ten time in a row n we got stuck at " nan" fer like an hour becoz of tat. -.- well anywae i watched ma first 21 show n it was nt a bad experience tho i felt reallie young when i stepped into the cinema. n the adults were like so... noisy? gawd bt other than tat it wasn't too bad. there weren't any sexual content jus the.. lesbos kissin n hell la its common. shoudnt be rated 21.

aniwae.
i miss licia. i miss bibi too. i miss u both so much. pls msg me. pls do. so dat i wun feel like i'm missin u bt the other way round. lol. contradicts*

cowhead!

2006-09-17T17:39:00.000+08:00

the bez choc biscuits! Cowhead! it tastes super good la. the auntie i was working with brings them to work n i got addicted the choc literally oozes thru the biscuits! n it was then i knew i was hooked as in reallie hooked i went arnd the whole island lookin fer cowhead biscuits n when i found t i got 3 boxes! hooot!!

aniwae i jus realise kang's got a totallie boring blog. he's sucha bore at times bt oh well. he's borin also. tag him to let him noe he's borin ya?

next to next a reply to someone's blog. skali she's nt tokin abt me. bt someone else. bt then again. i m sure its me! who else can be so super duper nice bt me? time to get down to serious biz. i dun have to let u noe how much u mean to me. its obvious can't u see? i paid half fer ur fuckin bike lei. i dun mean to use monetary terms to measure the frenship we have bt come on who's gonna lend u such sum of money tat's half of the bike n i dun even own it lei dear girl. maybe ur bf bt other than that other ppl with brains n common sense would prob onlie lend u like a hundred or two besides i din even hesitate i simply said ok. u shud be touch yea u shud. so dun ask me how much u mean to me. it's shown. jus think back n u'll noe.

finally i wanna send ma love to:
Bibi tee i miss u so. u're ma honey baked ham n xmas is comin.
licia loh i love u. thnx fer acc me to the exams.
joan ng i meet u almost every other day so hell with it.
Mr wooden blog no wonder its called wooden blog.

-i hate endings-

chapfallen

2006-09-11T19:52:00.000+08:00

Don't promise me things u never seem to fulfil..
stop tellin me tat u would treat me the same
4 there ain't no 2 same things..
Stop askin me if i was disappointed.. coz even if i am..
u can't do anyting to change.
-aghasted-

if

2006-08-16T21:19:00.000+08:00

if i were to one time
ask for what i want
maybe i would receive it

as the days go by
by and by and by
i learn not to ask

so i will never get
shown anything
...or at least anythin
tat will hurt me...

take me away

2006-08-07T19:22:00.000+08:00

bring me to a place that has onlie happiness not pain
or push me into an abyss full of darkness.
make me remember naught bt onlie myself in the facade of ur life.
make me forget what has bt driven us apart years b4.
i wish not to think.
drown me. in the never endin waters.
stop the achin.
love me for i nid to be loved.
i am bt onlie secondary to u.
change tat.
or i'll never be yours.
perhaps i was never meant to be

its been a week

2006-07-17T22:15:00.000+08:00

i finally got down into updating ma pathetic blog.

its been a week n i realise i m 21. n yah its time to catch a R21 show. a legal age to get into casinos without borrowing ur sister's IC. in fact all ready to do everything yet i've not done a single one. everything is still the same. i got on with ma life after the breakin up with the jerk in 2 months n got ma life back in place. so has joan n yah hell i m proud of her. however we did it together so i dun reallie noe how the process is like. thanks to ball fer stayin over when i was feeling very down. thanks to joan fer alwis being there when i cry 24/7 bt i guess i gotta get used to living without u. so yah i m here alone in ma room. nonetheless thanks to the diabetic boi. Ng kang yin. fer being there when i was sick fer being here fer me the whole nite while i was crying. n yah now its time fer me to be there fer u.

n yah i m here to announce kang yin has got diabetes. type 1. the type where u have to inject urself with insulin every single day without fail. so dun go round askin him ya? its quite sad n he's sad about it. bt who cares i gonna announce it to the whole world. coz u ain't a burden. so stop thinkin tat way.

aniwae oh yah thanks to everyone who was there on ma bday. n i would like to give ma thanks these morons.
-ma parents fer the chalet n bbq
-ma sister fer a self made manicuring set
-ma auntiesand uncles fer the huge ang pows
-ma cousin n god mother n a few aunts fer the diamond necklace
-to gim loon my future husband fer the perfume n the adorable love letter tat u wrote on the card.
-thanks to pong n licia fer the levi's jeans
-to hariz n andrew fer the levi's wallet
-to chandra fer the levi's bracelet
-to suren my brother fer the lovely Fila bag
-to bestie bi fer the strawberry pillow
-to ball n jia an fer the lamp. (who the hell gives lamps fer pressies!) thanks aniwae
-to xinyi n jiaxin ma best secondary skool mates fer the trophy and the lovely card
-to ma best crap mates kitty kong, jian feng and qing yao fer the inedible wine
-to kelly a mother of 2 a cup and a exp lighter
-to joan's classmates fer a present
-to joseph a man devoid of feelings fer 2 meaningful books
-to ma boss n auntie fer a tag holder, a water bottle to carry to work n a salary increment
-if i leave anyone out i m so very sorry as this is a never ending post.

last of all. to Joan fer being the sub-sponsor 4 ma dog($200). fer Kang Yin the main sponsor fer ma lovable adorable cutish corgi named Tasuki. ($1000) so much money on a dog so "xin tong". bt i love it anyway. if i dun write the amt of money they spend they'll kill me so yah here i m typing tho. Also to Kang yin. fer makin everything so perfect. n to beg the doctor to let u be discharged on ma bday jus to attend it even tho u can't eat anything there. fer lookin happie n still thot of surprising me with flowers on ma bday even tho u were jus diagnosed with diabetes. Fer u kang. seriously. thank u fer everything.

thank u people fer readin the never-ending post.

the name of the thing that changed me fer who i was, is called time.

inside

2006-05-31T23:51:00.000+08:00

bottled up inside
are the words i never said
the feelings tat i hide
the lines u never read

u can see it in my eyes
read it on ma face
trapped inside are lies
of the past i can't replace

With the memories that linger
won't seem to go away
why can't i be happier
today's a brand new day

Yesterdays are over
even tho the hurting's not
nothing lasts forever
i must cherish what i've got

don't take my love for granted
for soon it will be gone
all you ever wanted
of the love you thot you'd won

they hurt i'm feeling now
won't disappear overnight
but someway somehow
everything will turn out alright

No more wishin for the past
it wasn't meant to be
it didn't seem to last
so i have to set him free

i dont wan u back

2006-05-03T01:44:00.000+08:00

See, I don't.. know why.. I liked you so much,
I gave you all of my trust..
I told you.. I loved you..
Now that's all down the drain..
You put me through a pain..
I wanna let you know how I feel..

Fuck what I said.. It don't mean shit now..
Fuck the presents, might as well throw 'em out..
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack..
Fuck you, you hoe.. I don't want you back..
Fuck what I said.. It don't mean shit now..
Fuck the presents, might as well throw 'em out..
Fuck all those kisses, lthey didn't mean jack..
Fuck you, you hoe.. I don't want you back..
You thought.. you could.. Keep this shit from me..
Yeah, you burned bitch.. I heard the story..
You played me.. You even gave him head..
Now you're asking for me back..
You're just another hag..
Look elsewhere 'cause you're done with me..

Fuck what I said.. It don't mean shit now..
Fuck the presents, might as well throw 'em out..
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack..
Fuck you, you hoe.. I don't want you back..
Fuck what I said.. It don't mean shit now..
Fuck the presents, might as well throw 'em out..
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack..
Fuck you, you hoe.. I don't want you back..

You questioned.. Did I care?
You can ask anyone.. I even said you were my great one..
Now it's.. over..
But I do admit I'm sad..
It hurts real bad..
I can't sweat that cos I loved a hoe..

Fuck what I said.. It don't mean shit now..
Fuck the presents, might as well throw 'em out..
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack..
Fuck you, you hoe.. I don't want you back..

.superwoman.

2006-04-09T21:31:00.000+08:00

Early in the morningI put breakfast at your table
And make sure that your coffee
Has its sugar and cream
Your eggs are over easy
Your toast done lightly
All that's missing is your morning kiss
That used to greet me

Now you say the juice is sour
It used to be so sweet
And I can't help but to wonder
If you're talking 'bout me
We don't talk the way we used to talk
It's hurtin' so deep

I've got my pride,
I will not cry
But it's makin' me weak

I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional Hugs
as a token of love from you to me, ooh, baby

I fought my way through the rush hour
Trying to make it home just for you
I want to make sure that your dinner
Will be waiting for you
But when you get there you just tell me
You're not hungry at all
You said you'd rather read the paper
And you don't want to talk

You like to think that I'm just crazy
When I say that you've changed
I'm convinced I know the problem
You don't love me the same
You're just going through the motions
And you're not being fair
I've got my pride, I will not cry
Still I can't help but care

Oh, baby, look into the corners of your mind
I'll always be there for you through good and bad times
But I can't be that superwoman that you want me to be
I'll give my love everlasting love if you'll return love to me
If you feel it in your heart
And you understand me

busy??

2006-04-04T11:09:00.000+08:00

finally i m here after chinese new year. some ppl might find it a lil weird to see me bloggin after a long period of time. but basically its becoz i have nothing to do in elvis house n he is so sick n i can't get to slp.

sori licia. couldn't be of much help ytd coz i had to send elvis to the hospital as his stomach has been acting up quite bad fer 2 days.

spent the whole of ytd bringing elvis to the clinic twice but it stil din help him in the end i called uncle pat n joan fer help to bring him to the hospital as i had no strength to support him all he way there. Wenta Tan Tock Seng bt the A&E department was so fuckin crowded tat it can't be called an A&E department more like a polyclinic if i'm nice, polyclinic is the word to use bt most likely a wet market laA.. The nurse told us tat we have to wait fer abt 4 hrs b4 his turn. if tat's the case den go hospital fer what sia. Elvis couldn't wait as he said his pain was killin him so.. off we went to SGH. At least it was fast there. spent a total of 4 hrs there ( like its reallie fast) hopin tat elvis wouldn't be warded as SGH is damn far la. i dun wanna travel there. In the end, the doc told elvis tat its better if he gets warded so they can find out what's wrong. however elvis no. so great we went back home after takin v strong painkillers fer him.

finally i get to slp.
unfortunately i jus got kicked from elvis. so i'm awake. 4 now.

cny

2006-01-30T20:33:00.000+08:00

chinese new yr started off with quarrels n more quarrels. perhaps maybe a lil fight here n there wun reallie harm anything. bt oh well it did. new yr is spoilt. i'm stayin at home. swollened n puffed up. so what's the point. parents r overseas. noone's bringin us fer hse visiting. ma sis n i cooped up at home. receivin ang pows frm aunties we barely recgonize. boring. boring. i m home again.

boring

2006-01-17T22:20:00.000+08:00

so i try to laugh about it..cover it all up with lies. i tried to laugh about it..hiding the tears in ma eyes..

its a boring day in skool not to mention aching.. she came to ma hse stayed til 6 den she went home to change so she could go to skool..it was onlie den i managed to slp with the farking mentality tat "half an hour of slp better than nothing" n i slept.. til 7. msged alicia to tell her i'll be late fer skool.. bt i'll be comin with the shirt. i was stil veri slpy n set ma alarm to half an hour later.. bt i missed tat alarm..n u can guess how slpy i was. finally i woke up n rushed to skool.. fer onlie 1 and the half hours of lesson. nice.. so called "lesson".

licia changed into her shirt n i was hungry as usual..so we went dwn to eat n had andrew with a cam recorder right up at our asses. even when we were eating or drinking even walking! ite had tis open house kinda tingy..n todae was cca orientation..so we had booths all arnd the skool..licia n i kaypohly walked arnd the skool n saw interact club giving away highlighters. being kiasu singaporeans we wanted em! but we had to do the crossword puzzle so we did 6 of em so we could have all 6 colours! yep tat's all we did in skool.. duh.

duhhhh

2006-01-12T22:08:00.000+08:00

c'mon we've onlie got a few more mths to go..so stop makin life so difficult would u tagger? u dun like me den dun read ma blog la.. noone ask u to read rite? besides i never talked about u b4..bt if u would listen to rumours den..fine..listen la.. its rumours n gossips rite? den be it.. u noe move on..i ain't buggin u..ma frens ain't either..so shoo.. okay? haiyo... get a grip ya?

let's tok

2006-01-08T17:56:00.000+08:00

let us all haf a lesson on thunder thighs..

seriously i rather be fat..than to have an un-proportionate body..for those who thinks that i m tokin abt u becoz of personal disagreements thanks fer thinkin that way bt no..i m tokin in general.. bt of coz everyone would like to have their body even out.. so i shud thank god fer givin me a proportionate bt fat body..amen..

well.. i'm so sick n tired of some people.. who would go to the extend of lettin others noe how no life they have been..by taggin nonsensical stuff on blogs to let people noe how sick they r.. bt its fine..its jus a tag box..so yah..go ahead tag all u wan ya? jus note..u have no life.. u dun go out..u stay at home..n tag all day long.. u click here n there link urself to another blog n yet another blog n tag n tag n tag.. jus becoz u have nothing to do.. i'll pray fer u..yes i would..i'll pray to god above fer u to have ur own frens so u can go out with them.. so u wun have so much time taggin.. fingers hurt u noe..y nt stop taggin nonsensical stuff to criticise ppl..change it to bloggin instead.. den u would have so much fun..as people would link here n there..n den they'll tag u..den u can have fun on ur own tag box..

ministry of sound!

2005-12-23T16:47:00.000+08:00

wenta MOS wit licia, gim, andrew, bi, alex(for a while), clara ( lil lil while) finallie got to see the woman in action man. the ger bi is alwis tokin abt.. the club totallie cool!!! so big la. the toilets so cute!!! n licia's sister was practically pushin me into the toilet. we ran to the seats n plop down on the chairs to take pictures.. n funny gim tried to get into the toilet wit us. blurdy tiko..-.- andrew stayed behind wit alex.. i suppose they had a reallie good tok abt racing hur.. alex ordered a dozen shooters (sex on e beach) n greedy andrew drank 3 shots la! while of us jus drank 1. andrew..alex paid the tab ya noe.. u greedy pig. gim n andrew were so cute! they were sippin the shots. -.- greedy licia jus drank it up without cheer-sing bi..another pig. hee~

i love the PURE room!! its so nice got bigbig bean bag which gim andrew me n alex jus ran towards it n laid there posin like 4 sexy lil fishes fer bi to take pictures! den it was the retro room so retro even the songs r super retro.. gim n andrew were dancing! crazily..not to mention..retarded moves =) lol. nevertheless we had fun..

when there's fun laughter n joy there's aso trouble. stupid 16 yr old kids. shudn't have lent them.. hais. guess it was partly ma fault. itchy backside. sori bi! oh well..we ate mac as i was starving.. as usual.. we had 3 meals which meant 3 packets of fries. bt we ended up wit 6! we ate it all up tho. n gim had a lil accident that poor fella.. he fell off the stage while singing halfway.. with his nescafe poured on bibi.. poor bi she's innocent la.. luckie she wasn't wearin white. i was worried man! i thot gim smashed his balls or something. thank god nothin like dat happened.

all ends well..bi went back wit licia n gim while i was with andrew.. we met elvis n he paid fer the cab fare! yay! andrew we saved 10 bucks each! lol. arik called when i reached home.. he was thinkin of goin back with us.. bt twas too late.. sori rik! i will post pics in frenster!!!! when bi send em to us.. wooo!!!!

its enuff..stop it..now

2005-12-20T19:29:00.000+08:00

its ok to rebuke the guys.. as they aren't sensitive at all..infact they r numb. bt do u understand e fact tat i do feel pissed at times? i hope u get what i mean..i ain't sayin names here.. hais..

went out with the guys todae waited fer farkin 2 hrs fer them to be back from swimin. thank god bi u weren't there.. we had nuhting to do fer 2 hrs n we were starving yet we had to wait.. well all was well.. nothin special bt hope u like it chandra. Happie birthday..

was out wit xinyi n jiaxin ytd. xinya has a bf liao! so happie fer her. =) had expensive bo hua steamboat.. shud have went to coca..bt was nice meetin up with them tho.. had a present frm jiaxin..poor thing keep givin us stuff n we gave her nuts. hais.. we have to make it up to her somehow.. took lotsa pictures..dat's all..................................

come back

2005-12-10T03:03:00.000+08:00

i wish u would come back.. i wish i had more time with u.. pls noe ur way home baby.. i'm waitin fer u.. alwis waiting..i miss u so much.. i miss the way u jump n pounce when i reach home.. miss the way u snort when u have nitemares.. the way u fart when u r slping.. i miss ur presence when i'm using the com.. u were alwis there alwis.. u never asked fer anythin frm me except fer attn.. pls come back.. i've been cryin fer 3 nites in a roll.. n u never appear at ma door step..this time i m waitin fer u.. u never noe how much i'm missin u.. i wonder if u r missin me too.. pls find ur way back.. i come home..each time each day feelin empty..i have noone to tok to..noone to coo at.. noone to tickle..i'm missin something..something i can't get used without..

lead her the way..let her find the way back pls..

becoz of u

2005-11-13T03:05:00.000+08:00

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out

I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you

Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you

finally completed ma task..

2005-10-23T18:23:00.000+08:00

fri nite.
after days of studyin got back hm thumped on ma bed n i totally black out! was shag like to the bone..i think i went delirious or something on ma way back home i din even noe how i got back home bt the next thing i knew i was in the car wit ma daddy fer dinner in Jack's. family dinner. special occasion u see. reached there abt 7 plus..ate finish at abt 8 plus as i was rushin to meet bibi, licia and joan fer an all girls' nite out!

finally fulfilled ma promise to bi to go clubbin wit her n get our bfs out of our minds. had a wild nite tho..drinks were on free flow. we headed to the dance flow n showed off our super uglie moves on the floor. lolx. as in uglie UGLIE. at first it was a lil awkward bt we soon got the kick. n there we go! devilsbar on wed i guess.. if the girls r free again. hopefully more girls n nothing goes wrong once again. got home in one piece. thank gawd.

closin down on me

2005-10-07T03:22:00.000+08:00

these 4 walls closin more everyday..like a clown i put on a show playin it real.. but i'm cryin inside..why din i say those things i needed to say..how could i let ma pain jilt it away..now ma world is jus tumblin down..i can't see clearly..and there's no way to run..i'm broken..i'm tremblin inside..wide awake its a quarter past 3..i'm screamin inside..how blue could i get..u would ask urself..my life is like a jigsaw puzzle being torn apart..anyone could u see..jus how i feel..n nobody noes it bt me..

hurt?

2005-10-03T17:49:00.000+08:00

i noe u guys r more hurt than i am..as the only thing that u can all do is to stand there n helplessly see me suffer in pain..bt hey.. dun be.. i areadi love u guys fer volunteerin to accompany me in school.. it's enuff alrite? i can't say much here.. some kaypohs r watchin out there.. at least noe..i'm tryin ma best to step out of it.. at least i am tryin.. tho nt hard enuff..bt still tryin..step by step.. i nid a step at a time..too big..i'll go bonkers.. everynite b4 i slp..i pray.. tat one day i have the courage to walk away.. i love u guys.. i hope u all noe tat deep down..hugs..

take me away

2005-09-29T23:29:00.000+08:00

i wan out.. or preferably..i nid out.. how did i land myself here? how do i go frm here? how much longer can i withstand the hurt u r giving me? how can i ask u to stop makin me justify everything u say..den contradictin me with the actions u make..n the words u say.. tell me how to conceal ma feelings in front of those whu loves me more than u.. i can never love another..nt yet..i'm too broken..to love.. too tired..to move..no amount of tears.. could ever heal me.. kill me.. at least..i'll never feel again.. i nid to lean back on something fer the moment.. i dun wanna stand on ma own.. hold me tight.. fer i feel no love in this world...

love is a game..that even death cannot fight.

alone

2005-09-19T18:49:00.000+08:00

kept havin that feelin..i can't go to skool lookin like dis..someone would definitely see thru it..see thru everything..n i can't keep it inside any longer..no amt of laughter..could cover the the expression in ma eyes.. thats what ball alwis says.. there ain't no laughter in ma eyes any longer.. i'm utterly..hurt..yet blinded.. bruises has healed.. bt something ain't healed yet.. i'm so raw inside..its like..hurtin every single moment n i can't stop it..neither can i control it.. n i can't help bt wonder..if it would ever heal..it causes a tear so huge..so deep.. dat.. it will never stop bleedin..til its bein suck dry.. ma tears..e hurt inflicted..ma unhappiness..can onlie be returned by the person whu inflicted all these upon me..

why

2005-09-15T12:56:00.000+08:00

so tired.. of tellin ppl its rashes when its nt.. so tired of explainin why when there in't no answer to it. so tired of lovin u bt i can't stop it. tired of explainin tired of askin. ma heart's battered and bruised. so is ma body.
joan dun feel guilty abt anything coz when u do.. next time he does somethin once more i can't bring maself to tell u.. dun ask me anything when u areadi noe the answer. ask any further i might breakdown.
uncle pat..dun feel guilty abt things he has done.. he shud be the one nt u.. i'm sorri..u all shudn't have found out abt it. i never wanted u to noe.
all in all..its me. i've regretted. bt its too late.. i'm in a hole so deep so dark..that onli certain voices could reach me..i can't see..

ytd..

2005-09-10T13:23:00.000+08:00

thursday nite
went to fish wit elvis n frens. bt was reallie bored decided to ask ball out fer a coffee..after that we decided to call jia an out..in the end i left elvis n frens to go out wit jia an n ball. sori boi. jus to borin fer me to handle. besides u couldnt even be bothered if i were to go to skool tml rite?

fri
met up wit clarence 4 e last time b4 he goes to london to study. had a great time wit him. tokin over sakae sushi laughin at our sec skool life. will miss him.

met up wit ma cousins at 3 plus in the afternoon.. its beena long time since i last saw them..damn i feel so old when i see them man. i'm in ma twenties! n they in their teens. the difference. i'm old. our table were so full of laughters we simply couldn't stop luffin. we had nowhere to go. so decided to end the session. besides i m so darn tired. din slp fer 2 nites. went home. bathe. elvis called to tell me to go ah hua's place play mahjong. nt i play. elvis play i watch. i decided to go anyway. i slept in hua's place in the end. all e way til morn. when they woke me up at 7 to go fer breakfast n to go home. hais.

yippie!!

2005-09-06T00:42:00.000+08:00

be goin out wit ma cuzies on fri. hopefully nothin goes wrong. goin out wit charmaine lee n sarah jane. hope one of them grew taller so i dun have to feel so giraffe like.

sometimes i wonder if i ever noe u elvis ooi.

thanx licia.. fer comin over to see mudpie todae..i would be fne wit the 50..bt like asap if nt in skool i cannot eat..=( den i dun wan go skool. lolx.

now i m stuck wit one uglie dog. -grinx-

shucks

2005-09-04T06:36:00.000+08:00

brought mudpie to ma place. bt have to do everything myself. mom said i can't keep her. bt i told her that i have no choice she's sick n i dun wanna leave her alone. mom said fine. bt i have to do everything maself. the cleanin, the food, the medication. all by myself. food doesn include ma dogs' food. which means i haf to buy puppy food fer her. she can't eat adult food or she'll go sick. thank god i have puppy food. i'm up to my neck with bills. n i have no cash to spare. i m totallie broke fer the mth. nt jus broke. bt nt a single cent left. i dun even have money to support myself. in total i spent $275 on mudpie's vet bill. if this goes on..i can't keep her. i dun have enuff slp. no food. no money. no outing. if mudpie's at home i have to be home unless i gota go to skool. that means ma freedom is gone.sally n monster's freedom is burnt too they can't come out if mudpie's here. hais. practically everyone's complaining! i'm gettin short tempered becoz of this. licia..chicken we have to get together n discuss abt mudpie. the situation is killin me.. i cannot handle her all alone. i nid e both of ur help....=(

hais

2005-08-26T21:09:00.000+08:00

i stayed hm todae n wenta the hosp..kinda upset over something. din go fer e ktv session. ktv sessions wun be e same without bi aniwae. ma mind's held up e whole day..

i'm back!

2005-08-26T02:07:00.000+08:00

back from havin fun den i felt so guilty..readin thru bi's blog n the past few days was kinda messed up.. so look at the whole picture.. i was havin fun..n ma tiny best fren over at the other corner of this lil island called sg is upset. n i din even noe.. as soon as i read that...my GUILT rised up to the PEAK. msged her straight..bt..hais..guess i was too late into comin to her rescue..
sori bi.. bu stil loves ya..u noe?

had so many days brk from elvis..came back..n voila..felt so much better..gettin ma life into control..bt i dunno how that wil happen when school starts..shall wait n see..finally..i had fun.. as in fun..with a capital F. wasn't thinkin abt anything sad..in fact i wasn't even thinkin abt anything at all..jus maself..in ma own sweet world wit ma sweeties.. n that particular place is.. dang dang dang : PASIR RIS CHALET! k how dang is dat? machiam some place grand rite? bt no..it was that place..n hell i had fun. thanks chicken fer holdin the chalet n inviting me!

Day 1
daddy fetch me to e chalet. waited outside there fer abt 10 min b4 i saw 2 beauties holdin hands walkin out.. tmd. if ma mommy weren't there i tell u i'll shout ccb loud loud ar! nao hia carry so many barang barang u walk out slowly ar! nvm..when i reached there immediately can eat..super shiok sia! we ate like fuck til zeteng came.so she ate the rest bt see her size..so small eat shit la. guess what..BISHAN ITE students were jus next door! faint-well that's nt all..ite bishan students were all over the damn place. CHong's class. Desiree's gf class (beside us) JJ's class Winnie's family. oh yah n ma frens. jus a few doors away..freaky eh..

at nite. joan came. she called me n cried. she came down n cried. i had to make her day better. so when uncle pat called. we talked fer a while. he came down n joan went back wit him. she cried whens he saw him n was so surprised bt happy.. she went back wit him smiling..=)

celebrated me n chicken's ten yr birthday. since we din had cake on our bday. we had our cake here tho belated bt jus as good! we ate directly from the cake. we played truth n dare which is actually nt truth n dare..spin the bottle la. kiss sai. si yan yan..die die also everythign kiss kiss.. out wit the kisses see la..got urself horny..-.- den came.. card games finally slping time!! can slp!!

DAy 2
woke up at 2 with a bowl of cereal n cold porridge. =.= apparently zeteng went out to buy porridge fer me in e mornin..bt when she woke me up i killed her fer it. so the porridge was left cold in the open waitin fer me. licia n chicken got me to wake up..like so sweet..tokin to me like i'm a baby.. soothin voice..too soothin fer me to go back to slp.. if nt i'll be sinful ok! they were like "bu..u muz wake up k? we goin wild wild wet.. c'mon everyone waitin le..muz wake up ar.." wtc wtc..ok i got maself awake..hugged licia! i had hugs in the mornin! how great is that! den grope ma way to the toilet to brush ma teeth..n i had breakfast! yummy.. if the porrisge weren cold. changed n out to wild wild wet!!!

ohh! baby here we come!! WWW!!! woohooo!! super shiok man! sat the "slide up" wit licia twice..yellin at the top of our lungs went on to every ride..n got tan.. lil bit la..nt that bad.. den we came back n had dinner..which is bbq again! yummy! ate til we got bloated. chicken's fren came stupid uncle that's what they called him.. he ate a lil den went off again.tonite was a lil bored..yan yan went back.. =( so it was card games.. den..mornin..zeteng walked me to find elvis..n she went home.. yah she saw elvis. n i intro-ed them..ow.. so yup i din slp.. n ma eyes got swollen in the end.

day 3
slp. home.

thnks chicken! chalet was great! food was good! all in all FUN!
love ya licia fer makin everything wonderful!! indeed an angel bu's angel!
YANYAN!! u fool! u r the best person to have in a chalet! u made everyone luff. love u girl.
zeteng. u r still so stupid. hais. hopeless sia! bt then glad to have u there.
Jj fer comin down to have a talk wit me.
Chong fer keepin me company when i was out findin some idert.

tears of??

2005-08-20T13:38:00.000+08:00

i miss u.. n i only have ma monkey beside me..what else can i do? i wan u back becoz i miss ur hugs everything abt u..bt at the same time i dun wan u backwith all the cryin all ma tears n e night spent alone while u r on a ship gambling havin fun..at least i haf ma frens beside me all e way.. spendin ma time wit them so i wun have to thnk abt u...so far i went thru a day and a night without u..n i'm fine.. i wan ma stuff back and i dun wanna see u..coz it hurts so bad.. i wish u never came into ma life..yet i wish u'll come back..contradicting..bt ma feelings r mixed now.. i'm tryin ma best to forget u coz u never loved me..even if u did..that love has faded......den why dun u tell me once n fo all so i dun have to feel like a fool..tell me that the love u once given to me has vanished..i should never loved ya...

a few days right?

2005-08-19T17:19:00.000+08:00

it'll be over in a few days right? right bi? right licia? i will be fine wouldn't i? jus this few days den i'll get over it right? wun u all be wit me? i love u guys.. so much.. that's where ma love could land on n get appreciated wun it? bt damn it hurts.. bt its onlie fer a few days.. i nidda get ma stuff back.. how could brkin up be so hard..

i told u..din i? i areadi told u i feel so tired..of everything..n i would be leaving.. u din believe din u? instead of keeping me..u kept pushin me away.. i jus felt like running.. n i ran..

i hope never to leave..bt y do u keep pushin me away.. was e love nt deep enuff? have i nt given u enuff? i love u bt that doesn change anythin anymore..jus tell me when to get ma stuff.. i'll come get it myself..its packed up isn't it?

left e hse

2005-08-14T15:48:00.000+08:00

since wit me or without me arnd has no difference den let me go..
jus wan to be doted to be loved..to be pampered.. what did i have..think pls..

ndp

2005-08-10T15:28:00.000+08:00

crazy nite ytd..wit bi..saw bi in a total different light she was so cute! wearin that baggy 3 quards parading at the freakin crowded entrance..tellin ppl " sorri bt u muz go in by the other entrance" helpin me carry that heavy big metal back n forth forth n back..n she ain't even complainin!n when the fireworks came! woohoo~ shiokanudden~ den we were singin the national anthem like noone's biz. andrew wei koon n gim loon were being super crazy as well..all of us standin at the stupid big fan actin crazy..posin in our stupid yellow CWO shirt n light savers hahha.. bt the afternoon was fucked up..we were all burnt..n had this stupid strap at our encks haha..super uglie! besides the afternoon all was well..i love u bi!!!!!!!!!!! thanks chicken fer buyin sugarcane fer us! being without water was bad.....

sori vis.. i simply can't click wit ur frens..they aren't my type..they ain't in ma category..i dun mind hangin out..bt pls noe ma limits.. n understand it.. mabbe we reallie aren't meant to be..we can't compromise all our lives can we? i meant wat i said the other nite when u were drunk.. i'm tired u r tired..we both r tired..it's time we let go.. its hard..i can't do it myself..so let me go..no matter how much i love u.. how matter how deep u r in my heart..pls..get out of there..promises r meant to be kept.. nt postponed nt let down-ed..

uncovering the lies

2005-08-07T14:07:00.000+08:00

was readin ur blog..seems to be at july 17 2004 u haven forgottena bt her.. n yea u still missed her..like who else yea? never expect that i would noe ur blog address rite? well i did n hell everyone go see it! elvisooi.blogspot.com yea that's his. jus the first post n poof! gotcha i saw what i wasn't expected to see..why tell me u've forgotten her over jus half a year..n not jus last yr? why the hell m i still livin in ur lie? c'mon assure me! tell me something to make me feel better..with the who lives near u shit..now i noe in 2004 july month u still haven gotten over her..how abt now? have u? m i livin with someone who's heart doesn belong to me.. bt someone's else..den why dun u let me go..i noe it doesn hurt u.. to see me in pain..bt have a heart..u suffered the pain i m goin thru now..u noe how it feels..den let me go..with traces of her in every part of ur life in every part of ur room..how am i suppose to noe u've moved on..or r u jus usin me as a spare tyre..how m i supose to noe i'm the onlie person in ur heart when u dun assure me at all..

silence

2005-08-05T18:34:00.000+08:00

i keep quiet..to hope fer expected..bt it turns out..promises aren't made to be kept..they were to be broken..now i understand e rule..

walkin away is hard..no..i'm jus tryin to run away from all e pain..escapin is all in my head..escapin is my only way out..

i'm made to run away from e pain..as alwis..to walk away from all these..promises..-smirks- there were none.

in pain..n i dunno y..

2005-08-01T00:54:00.000+08:00

i miss u guys so much..so much it hurt so bad.. i miss the talks.. the outings.. simply missin u guys.. bt its impossible now i noe..i chose it what can i do?

i wish..someone would save me..pull me out of this.. i wish so badly to be saved..i'm hurtin so bad i barely noe..jus findin an escape route..bt can't find a way to turn to..it ain't his fault..it ain't anyone's fault..i jus feel i muz run away..b4 i get hurt any longer..
sometimes it doesn matter how many ppl r there fer u..bt matters how hard u cry thinkin once u cry it all out it'll stop bt it never..it jus rolls n rolls..neverending..surface..yea it stopped..i'm fine..
bt deep down..i'm in tears..n i duno y i can't find a reason why.

i jus nid to be saved.. becoz i can't step out of it myself.. it's so bad..i could feel myself fallin..down..below.. so deep below.. ma legs breakin down..i dun wanna think.. help pls..

wth

2005-07-30T12:47:00.000+08:00

as the saying goes..minor stuffs becomes big when u dun clear things up immediately it jus grows n grows.. u disgust me..seriously.. give me something that i wan gfrom u not something that i areadi have n dun have the need fer it..it may satisfy me bt it wun make me happy.. coz i ain't happy.. i'm only wit u becoz i love u..dun u ever understand?u're only selfish to satisfy ur own needs n i have to go along wit it becoz it doesn matter to me as it doesn matter how u spend ur money. fine..den jus let me noe.. i've areadi wash ma hands off that matter.. as u alwis said...or have i heard wrongly again? clarify dude.. so what if ppl say i m the best when u dun intend to treasure me at all?

lies

2005-07-29T19:20:00.000+08:00

fer the past few days all i ever hear from u are simply lies n more lies..haix..maybe it ain't lies..maybe i reallie did have a block ear..i couldn't hear a thing u said..u said..the biggest is 50 per bet? or is it 50 fer total? which one was it? oh yah..u've never said it at all..shudn't i give u all e freedom u deserve? besides u've said it all..it's nt any of ma biz..fine then..i heard that..i'm immune..to everythin u inflict on me now.. ur apology..seems so far away..i can barely hear it.. ur kisses..r nothin now.. i dun feel a shit..

hopes that u've given to me..things u said when u started workin..n things u promised when u worked..or maybe i heard wrongly u din promise me anything..so yea..all r nuts..everythin.. rubbish in ma ears..i'm jus hearin everythin u said..becoz.. jus becoz..u enjoy sayin things u dun mean.. now i noe..its ok..i'll take it in den let it out..

licia..i wan see fireworks!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no more fireworks..sobs.. bu's fireworks...

great

2005-07-25T01:58:00.000+08:00

let's look back..

fri ..
came bck from skool arnd 1.. left home at 3.30 headded to tanjong pagar..took a boat..to leisure world.. cruise..reached the cruise at 6..jus a gambling ship la.. since it was ah hua's bday we had to go along.. so yea we did..went there fer a couple of hours..did crap there..in the end..when elvis n pat were gambling the dealers were lookin at me like i were some alien frm some alienated place..den finally realise they were tokin abt ma dimples.. bt still it was weird..wanted to yell over " hoi! never see dimples b4 ar..! si suagu " bt oh well..besides there weren't any seats!!! so where do i rest ma poor shaven legs? u see i have furry legs..wuahhahaa.. if u get what i mean winks* oh my.. bi did i jus winked?! orite gay. aniwae back to e topic.. we headed down to ktv pub..where joan sang like hell.. ok we both did..since there weren't anyone arnd..so whu cares..sing la! shiokanuden man..ol' skool..den we headed back home. at 10..like what can u do in 4 hrs! everythign was so rush!!!!!!!!! bt we had no choice..joan haD work the next day..so we had to head home..sad..

sat
whole day at home. read previous post..

todae!! sun!
i was so pissed..vis had to bring me out..we went east coast to blade..happie bt sick dae..shan't elaborate to bore u guys..jus the usual..so..yep..

poor pat.. he had to be at home e whole day coz joan was workin..n din wan him to go out gamble without her..i totally understand..bt hais..stayin at home is bad la!! very pek cek de..joan muz understand soemtimes..

upset case..

2005-07-24T00:36:00.000+08:00

say..last nite after we went out u had to go to the coffeeshop i waited for u to come back till 2am bt was too tired n fell aslp..u came home arnd 3..den u left home at 7am.. came back at 11pm to tell me..that u gotta go down to help move stuff..so fine..den u said u will come back at 2 or 3.. bt i waited till 5 to 6 den u came back..well u promised we would go out..bt fine since u were tired n nid-ded to get something from ur fren later at nite..so u slpt den u woke up to bring me to eat..den u slp again we were suppose to go to the dam.. in the end we change our minds n decided to go to ah hua's hse..well..apparently u forgotten n u din wake up whe i called u up..fark man i was so frustrated first ma fireworks were gone..its ok..i wasn't that angry coz u had no choice..bt i've been stayin hoem the whole darn day lei!!! u noe how bored or nt? u noe i m goin crazy? tml go out fine..bt den i monday got skool lei i gotta wake up early even if u dun ahve to any longer fark man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUS WANNA SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IN UR EARS N WAKE U UP MAN!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANNA GO OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bt where's the keys? i'm stuck. farked up..

haix

2005-07-22T13:41:00.000+08:00

we din bitch abt u.. i emphasize noone did.. thot was over.. no starin no nuthin..we agreed on that..invisibilty din we? dat's all i wanna say.. =) would make life so much easier in skool wun it? so it wun be that awkward.. that's all i ask.. hope its fair.. e tension was overpowering.. dat was y i came up to clarify.. well..yea that's abt it..

Uncle Pat! happie birthday!

was being forced to go joggin by licia.. hated it..din wanna go actuallie bt she bribed me into swimmin and went on n on abt the NYAA shit..so fine.. i went..went fer 3 weeks areadi..u said i could go fer once n maybe a few times more..bt i went every week...so tirin u noe..i noe i m gettin fat..bt no nid like dat rite?

went home after joggin..daddy came to pick me up..went home to eat dinner wit ma family..its been a long time.. realise how much i missed ah gong..wenta giv me a huge belly hug.. he thot i was crazy.. elvis came by in the end.. at nite..

its a fri todaae! finally weekend time..rest time..amen.

wasn't the point

2005-07-21T10:30:00.000+08:00

i couldn't say i was pissed.. i'm pissed wit everything..what the hell..i was simply disappointed by ur response to the qn ah hua asked u..it's a gathering fer pete's sake..i noe what's a gathering i ain't deprive n yea i would feel like goin..bt hell i wanna be ur first priority..haven u thot abt me? haven u asked me? nt that u shud ask me bt lemme noe first b4 u even make a decision..bt u din.. u gave a straight cut to the point answer " yea i have nothin on..yup i'll go" what the fuck?? hey horny boy. u said u would go out wit me on ur next off day which is a sat! n u said u goin fer the gathering n when i asked u about it u said u never said it at all as in never promised to go out wit me on a sat n that u could meet me after the gathering which will be at nite?! at nite lei!? at nite u wan ur sweet pea here go where?! oh yea maybe u never said anything..y not tell me u never said u love me..til i show u the proof den maybe u said was jus a moment of passion wtf? c'mon words la.eh..i m contradictin maself..maybe i shudn't put so much hope in u..i shudn't expect so much.den i wouldn't be disappointed..den i can not act like i m a bimbo...i shud off ma brain..n i'm learnin to. i'm tryin to..yes..i'm gettin ma life back. i need to stop stickin to u man. i wanna be Bu again..

turning

2005-07-12T00:54:00.000+08:00

u brought me too far..now i can't turn back..i'm forcin maself to move the other direction..so i wun get hurt by u again..

unkempt

2005-07-10T14:07:00.000+08:00

i shudn't have stayed at home..shudn't have tried to clear up ya stuff..coz each time i do i'll find something that'll hurt me.. pls clear those stuff up i never wanan see dem again..unles i purposely dig dem up..every corner of ur room there seems to be another woman lingering abt..i'm sorry..i'm hurt..beyond repair

thankew

2005-07-09T20:50:00.000+08:00

thanks guys!! u all made ma birthday beautiful!! the preparations n all..

the class - the CD was great!! compilations of birthday wishes..so sweet!!! wit all the pictures..n videos..u all even got hariz n feng ming on it! hahahahaaha..thnx pong fer goin all out to make the cd..thnx bi fer the idea n the trouble fer takin the videos..thnx licia fer tryin to keep me company so the rest culd take the video without me knowin about it..SO OL' SKOOL!!!!stupid cd made me cry..

thnx licia fer the angel pendant..it's so meaningful!!!
thnx pong fer the slippers n shoes.. so sweet! u rem what i liked! its so long ago!
thnx chicken for ma baby eeyore!!! it's so darn cute!
THNX SUREN bro !!! U R SUCHA DEAR! u surprised me..i loved that "medal"!!! u went all out to get it urself!!!
thnx daddy fer the hp!!!
Thnx mommy n jiejie fer the ice shaver..u r so crappy.. -.-
thnx Joan n Uncle pat fer the memory card..
thnx zeteng fer the flowers n handmade card..
thnx andrew, vincent, gim loon fer the tatty bear..i love it!
thnx wei koon fer comin fer ma bday lunch! haha
thnx bi fer the handmade birthday card.. n everything..i love u bi..u fucker make me cry..

I LOVE U GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

last bt nt least ELVIS! elvis is a hero he's a superstar..-.- stupid song..thnx fer the watch babe..i din expect u'll get it fer me..since u were so low on budget areadi..thnx fer bringin me out even tho it was expected of u..thnx fer makin ma day..fer lovin me like no other.. the outin the walk n zoo was superb! i love u boy!

lost

2005-07-06T21:07:00.000+08:00

i promise u guys...i'll hold on till i can't hold out any longer..thnx fer being there for me...love ya guys..thnx licia for the hug..i needed it..i simply love ya hugs love ya words..thnx bi fer alwis being there..for comforting me..love u both..

memories

2005-07-03T21:52:00.000+08:00

i strolled along the path of memories..memories of what u've given me..what did i ahve now besides ur insults n the humiliation u r givin to me..do i deserve this? shud i ask maself this or shud i ask u..u took everyhting away from me...ma life ma frens..in return i was expecting love..care n concern..nt to mention time.. what did i get in return? now i have to choose the path..in front of me is a forked road..one is with u the other without u...tell me which one shud i choose?

fark

2005-07-03T15:04:00.000+08:00

i'm so farkin stress up..i can't do anything better..i suck at this man..bt i love u baby! i jus wan u to be happie..gawd this is reallie killing me..man..jus one more day n i'llbe fine..let me live thru this man..

haix

2005-06-27T20:22:00.000+08:00

no matter hw much i hate to admit it..u made me cry..

hee!

2005-05-21T08:10:00.000+08:00

we r havin an outin!! have been tokin to gim loon n andrew fer the past two days straight..makin me luff like every 5 min intervals..ma pecs are comin out man.. gim loon was like sayin i shud be the ambassador of johor..and andrew kept sayin i was pollutin his mind..iderts... kiddy-like 20 year olds... n when bibi's back..we r havin slpovers! we r goin to bodyshop to get essential oils. alot of oils! shu xian's been askin me out fer the hols..bt i areadi book ma trip..sorrri ger.. when i'm back okie? i'll be leavin on..mon bt i'll be back by wed. nearby country! coz i ain't no money digger..bu ain't got no money! ya..yah..i'm usin ma own money..so i'll be broke when i come back.. bt i guess i'll be havin honeymoon fer one week straight..wit the trip n pong's chalet..plus the "outin" all in one week pluss pluss..i'm gonna be so shaggg! love it tho! shag fer such purpose is worth it! kkx..gotta go slp. ciaox.

faint

2005-05-19T03:02:00.000+08:00

-met up wit ball n ching ching to "study"
-stayed over bibi's hse b4 headin towards skool fer da 1st paper
-met up wit licia being forced to study hra
-got tortured fer 2 hrs
-still learnt nothin -grinz-
-wenta bi's hse at nite
-JJ called n met up 4 study
-had a bumpy bicycle ride 2 7 eleven
-wenta skool in JJ's daddy cab
wowowow...all done in 3 days. tirin sia. din slp...super tired finally able to rest..slpt like hell..

sia suay-ed

2005-05-10T07:37:00.000+08:00

i vomitted..yes i did on ma way home ytd. feel so sick..stomach churning n stuff bt at least i got ma ent stuff done. sorrie bi..fer nt being able to acc u todae n ytd..pong u'll be there rite? i'll be there tml tho..even tho u're alwis the one accompanying me instead of me accompanying u.. how ironic. aniwae bi...hols be comin man..we gonna be 2 happie perchers..swimmin n all..u said swimmin rite? we gonna spend time n more time together. den its our bday.. n den da reality stuff starts again..skool..yea skool...n i've got 10% off kbox shall we go? hehe..so we go aite? bt i nt sure amk side can use the receipt to get 10% off nt..bt we shall go..time to slp again..

relaxation

2005-05-08T13:31:00.000+08:00

after monday.

the day that i m lookin forward for.

finally projs gonna be done n over wit.

went out for dinner wit ma parents n sister ytd to celebrate mother's day before heading over to elvis's hse. fell aslp there right before lionel came to fetch us up. elvis was practically naggin. "wake up..lionel reach le" after that.."slp properly kitty comin" which i simply took ma fleece to cover ma head. why onlie ma head 1st. i m too fat. fleece too small. j/k the reason is actuallie i dun wan ppl to see me slpin wit ma mouth open other parts ain't that impt jus the mouth ya noe what if they suddenly jump on the bed n rape me? wuahahahaha. ok thinkin too much. elvis is in the room he wun let anything like dat happen to me aite. even so his frens wun rape me. i'm thinkin too much. well at the last moment elvis simply shouted " wake up la! lionel waiting" ok he din shout he said that gently i was jus exaggerating. bt i still jumped up. n everyone was lookin at me. so sad. how embarrassing. i dash straight to the toilet. to save maself from anymore embarassment. what if they saw the drool at the sides of ma mouth? awwwwwwww... bt i guess they did coz they went off right after i went to the toilet. how sad. i even thot i look cute when i slp......hahahhaha fark off.

headed down to the stupid supermarket. told elvis I WAN DISTILLED WATER DISTILLED!!!! he din understand what i was tokin about. in the end they bought two MINERAL WATER. 2 HUGE bottles of it. and 100 PLUS! i dun drink those. so as usual i pulled a long face. they stupid death idert. he forgot he cleanly forgotten what i drink. happily buyin onlie. after thats till ca ask me why sian sian? FUCK u U understand! THE WATERS!!!! in case some of u dunno even tho noone reallie wans to read ma damn farkin long post i have this thing fer waters there's this taste in mineral water that i hate. i dunon if some of u have noticed or nt. bt it's obvious! ok becoz i feel it is. well whatever.

aniwae we reached sbw park. n catch crab joan n patwick bbq. see the size? yeayea. bbq. bubu catch crab wit elvis the crab bite the kuku bird. yah rite. i have simply no idea why i alwis have this thinkin crab bites kuku bird. imagine. headlines n elvis standin in the middlewit the crab hangin rite at the balls..wuahahaha. ok shit. i m gonna get killed fer that. fantasizing a stroll at the beach at nite..so romantic right? bt Wrong! tehdeh! it ish. waddlin in the deep dark waters wit small baby crabs side walkin arnd u. n u risk crushin dem wit ur big fat feet. wit u n him holdin a huge bloody heavy torch light shining ur way thru waitin fer the huge suay crab to come along n waallllla! u catch dem wit the net. how romantic. an idealistic outin yea?!ooo yea baby show me more. -.- NO MORE. we headed home. bathe n fall right aslp. wit 6 crabs. 6 flower crabs. =)

now i've jus awoken from this "nice" weather. n i m hungry!!! dar..bu's hungry. fuckin hungry.

replyin to ur blog

2005-05-04T23:09:00.000+08:00

watch it ger. b4 u start accusin someone of what they din do. i agree ppl maybe jealous of u n ur gfs. bt hey..i'm leadin ma life now. ain't gonna hide in the list that u blacklisted me in. coz i ain't did any shit to u. bt becoz of ur stubborn headedness 4 nt being able to get facts in ur block head den dat's too bad. ain't gonna let maself get affected by anymore of ur bullshit. i ain't that free. check the ip. can't take those anony bullshit. den shut ur tag. otherwise dun accuse. names being spoken is enuff man. i ain't callin u names. nt nimore. u lead urs i lead mine. quits. i tried tokin. u ain't listenin fine. go away. suspicions? clear it. dun let ur stubborness rule over u man. tryin to ruin ppl lives like dat? ain't that easi. invisible. that's what u r to me now. i gave way u ain't takin it. fine.let it go dun call us freeloaders coz we did our work we did ours. u guys din invited us. look we ain't that thick skinned yea? y? shud be barge into ur hse? make every single one of u awkward? ok maybe i shudn't use we. fine. me. aite? freeloaders check up ur facts again. u ain't nobody to me now. i dun hate u. so rule that over. to conclude it ain't me or anyone close to me. they ain't noe shit bout u n me. hope u get this in ur head. tnx. as in sincerely thnx. nuhtin here is sarcastic. all straight frm what i call a heart.

hatred

2005-05-03T13:50:00.000+08:00

i used to think hate is jus a feeling that's nt even close to love bt actuallie hate is jus beside the word love. why is dat so? i remember when i was like young when those puppy love thingy was in ma head. n yah i fell in love. k fine not fell in love it is INFATUATION. satisfied? when that god damn asshole left. i used hatred to cover the feelings i had fer him. yah it worked coz soon i found someone better. in that moment i thot la. yah someone better. alrite let's get down to the topic. fallin in n out has got nothin to do wit what i m tokin abt. so well.. if u dun love the person b4 u can never hate that person. becoz that person has caused hurt in u. lets think it in this manner. whens omeone u dun reallie noe say something bad abt u. compard to someone close whu said something bad. whoever would hurt u more? of coz the one closer la. why lei? coz u love that person he/she causes hurt which hit on u n became hatred. ta dah! now u got it! that means if u despise or hate me even tho both words have different meanin bt u ahte me that's y u despise me so watever what i m tryin to say is u love me coz u still have feelings there to hate me lalala! how cute how sweet! hahahahahahha..totally lame. foolish thinkin aite? so u love me -end-

hrm

2005-04-29T19:46:00.000+08:00

what shall i say? i m troubled yes i am by everything. well. u started finding loopholes bt u din clear it wit me. u din wan to. u took ma bestard to counter me hey it din work too bad. why din it. well i did complaint bt i told her. well in the end when she came back yah i told her every single thing. define backstab. define hypocritical. i did tok to u. u din wanna listen too stubborn? i dunno. listen up will ya? since we can't tok like face to face. hell man! tok to me. can't? fine! mail me for godsake! can't step down? i'll do it show me a hint! its tough man. its hard. it ain't ya fault. bt it ain't mine too u hear? stop callin ppl names when u dun giv dem a chance to tok. dun call ppl names when u r too stubborn to listen. good gawd...

look.

2005-04-28T20:19:00.000+08:00

nonsense being started once again. causing distress in ur own lil world of urs. wasn't any of our doin. think abt it. u did it. dun blame others when u couldn't socialise. ppl there loves ya. come ta skool fer dem. dun make me a reason fer being sick. i dun ahve the power to do so. bt oh yah u will say i ain't the reason. oh well yah i m being thick-skinned.
once pissed with someone fer whatever personal reason u have. u'll find more n more philosophies to back up what u feel. therefore finding more n more faults in that person. u r areadi being blessed. stop whining. end it instead wil make u feel better. heed it. even if u dun its ok..if it makes u feel better. go ahead. noone hates u. noone despise u. n even if i hate to admit it. yah i m angry. bt look..feelings can't be gone that easily. feeling bulit up fer the past 6 or 8 mths can't be gone. at times i reminisce in dem. tc.

wow...

2005-04-28T12:57:00.000+08:00

jealousy kills. that's what i noe. it almost killed something in me.

that's her fault shud i say?

should i be blamed?

is it ma fault?

were u jealous?

qns left unanswered.

bt i figured out i've neglected u. bt its too late to turn back. so whatever u say be it...i wan it to end.

watever

2005-04-27T20:27:00.000+08:00

anger takin over.
hurt uncontrolled.
tormented. deranged.
whu am i
i no longer noe.
words said.
dam unleashed.
whu will wipe them away.
whu will hear.
whu will understand.

happie happie happie

2005-04-24T15:24:00.000+08:00

fruitful day which started quite bad bt ended happily..ok how lame... went johor got ma sweater bt din get ma bag bt its ok.. could get it next week.. went wit vis..like whu else.. reached there around 4 plus almost five as soon as we got there we went to those roadside hawkers to eat stingray oyster omelette yum yum!! hehex...cheapie n good...well makes no difference to me tho..i ain't the one paying. grinx- went to city square to catch a show "guess whu" nt bad..den took a cab down to " da ma hua yuan" eat again..this time crayfish..tofu n satay...vis ordered chin cheong fun guess that's how u spell it... bt it never came n we forgotten abt it..so whu cares..jus pitied the uncle whu cooked it n we weren't there anymore.. den we walked down this alley came to this pub n ate once more..outside the pub nt IN... ate "loot loot". hehe ate quite alot. no wonder i m fat. right.. jus reached sg..so tired....

no title.

2005-04-23T01:50:00.000+08:00

saw this in ma mail n decided to blog it up..wonder if its reallie true..bt it'll be sweet if a guy is like dat..

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats
who holds your hand in front of his friends,
who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you
and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

if only.....bt it'll never happen..that's like so sad....

puppies!!!

2005-04-21T22:08:00.000+08:00

wenta get ma pup todae finally got a dog that i love!! jack russell!!!! haha..dunno what to call it ma sis wans it to be called snuggles bt i wanted it be called cookie..bt watever..its fat n cute n pudgy. n its mine! lala..so happie..ma neck's aching becoz i spent countless hours in front of the computer doin ma freakin projects..haix been so tired recently..projs are all nt completed its all killing me rite now..so fer tml i will be goin down to yishun ite with alicia to watch chicken n its basketball match. den after tat bibi would be coming down to join us as soon as she's done changing out of her uniform. bt we all dun feel like goin fer the freakin inline skating so we'll simply find one freakin excuse to get our arse out of it. tired..be gettin into bed soon...gawddd.......

blog's up!!

2005-04-20T02:09:00.000+08:00

ma blog's up..i'm gonna blog blog blog!! alritey...c'mon bibi let's do it. first of all i wanna thank bibi for her help in editing ma blog skin. without her ma blog would look awful.

in class now HRA is totally boring!!!! i can't take it. bi's got full marks fer her unit 9 test!!! i've got 19/20!!! haha! power up! shud be goin malaysia this weekend. goin to get ma bag n ma sweater. 2 periods of HRA is killing me.

i m so hungry..bibi is so hungry.. i can eat 10 kilos of honey bake ham. bt i m so bored n i still ahve one more hour to go b4 lunch break.......fark it.